Ever heard the saying there's no such thing as bad press? Well, that saying's a whole bag of lies. There is such thing as bad press, and I regret doing what I did to get it. That was the biggest mistake I had ever made in my whole life, and I had made some pretty bad ones.
"I never should have let him do that to me," I muttered under my breath as I slammed yet another empty bottle of vodka against the tiled bathroom floor.
"I am such an idiot!" I continued on as I popped the cap off of another bottle, but this one of whiskey instead. I need something stronger to take me out of my everlasting misery, but I have a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that it won't do a blessed thing to rid me of this hole in my soul. It's a hole that no matter how hard and many times I try to fill it, nothing works. I guess that I'm not worthy of being whole ever again because of the mistake I made. How was I supposed to know that a mountain would be made out of a molehill? Well, maybe it wasn't so much that, but it was something that I didn't even know about that was being used against me and was made into such a big deal. Bigger than necessary I tend to feel at the mere mention of this. I'll still even flick on the television and ocassionally see that I'm being featured on a gossip show.
It's been 3 years since the incident but it's still being held at the forefront. Overkill much? I know that I screwed up for allowing myself to put down my defense, but the press has blown it up so much that I can't even leave my house without being booed. There has also been a handful of times where people have thrown tomatoes at me. It's getting ridiculous. I haven't left my house for 5 months because of this. I have my groceries delivered to me. The only times I ever leave now are to go to the doctors and I hardly ever go now. It's kind of hard to get sick if you're cooped up in your house.
Let me rephrase that. It's been 5 months since I've left my property. I'll go out every night when it's dark out so nobody is able to see me and hang out on my patio for half an hour or so to get fresh air but that's about it. Every time I leave my house it only fuels the forever burning fire. After 3 years of dealing with all of this you start to learn that if there are things that you do that only hurt you, you stop doing them no matter how significant they may be. After just short of a year of being booed at and such because of the incident I'd learned that this will happen every single time I leave so if I leave less frequently, if at all, I'll give the press less to work with. I still try to maintain a healthy lifestyle but my life has practically become not worth living so I'm really surprised that I even bother to keep myself healthy anymore
You're most likely wondering what it was that got me into this gigantic mess, and I feel rather guilty about not telling you what it is but on the other hand slightly surprised you haven't heard of it before since it's everywhere and has been everywhere for such a long time now. I could just tell you flat out and straight to the point but if I did it would make me sound like the bad guy and that I deserve all of this when it's a different story all in itself. I'll have to tell you the whole story right from the start for you to even begin to remotely understand why I don't deserve all of this. Hold on tight because you're in for a bumpy ride.
